Beyond the pity party: Why understanding, not sympathy, is what we need
Pity looks at a child with special needs and sees a tragic story. It pathologises the child and treats them as a burden. Understanding, on the other hand, looks at a child with autism or any other condition and sees a human being whose brain simply processes the world differently.
Agatha Mia Asasira. (Courtesy)
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OPINION
By Agatha Mia Asasira
A few weeks ago, I sat down with a parent and former colleague and talked about autism and shared a bit about what it means to raise a child with special needs. As I explained what living with autism is actually like and what a child needs to truly thrive, she looked at me and said:
"When you talk about your disabled child, it feels like you just want the world to feel sorry for you. But the world doesn't have time for such things."
That statement captures the exact misunderstanding so many families face across Uganda every single day.
When we talk about our children, we are not hosting a pity party. We are not begging for sympathy, and we certainly aren’t asking the world to stop and shed a tear. What we are asking for and what we urgently need is understanding.
There is a massive difference between asking for pity and offering education.
Pity looks at a child with special needs and sees a tragic story. It pathologises the child and treats them as a burden. Understanding, on the other hand, looks at a child with autism or any other condition and sees a human being whose brain simply processes the world differently.
When we explain sensory overload, non-verbal communication, or neurodiversity, we aren't complaining. We are giving society the instruction manual. We are explaining why a child might cover their ears in a noisy market, or why they might need extra time to process a simple question.
Without understanding, society defaults to judgment, labelling a child as "badly behaved" or a parent as "seeking attention." But with understanding, that cold judgment transforms into basic human respect.
The myth that "The world doesn't have time"
To say "the world doesn't have time for such things" assumes that accessibility and inclusion are luxury favours. They aren't. They are fundamental rights.
Ignoring neurodiversity doesn't make it disappear it just leaves thousands of Ugandan children isolated, locked out of schools, and excluded from public life. Building a community where a child can go to school, visit a local shop without cold stares, and grow into an independent adult doesn't require pity. It requires a community willing to learn.
What we are actually asking for
We don't want society to feel sorry for our children. We want society to build a world where our children can actually live, grow, and belong.
- We want understanding so people stop staring and start listening.
- We want accessibility in our schools, churches, and workplaces so these children have a clear future.
- We want equity so parents are never forced to hide their kids out of shame or fear of cruel comments.
It is time to retire the idea that raising awareness is an act of helplessness. Talking openly about our children is an act of strength. We don't want your pity we just want you to understand.