Pronouncing Ugandan names correctly pays tribute to us

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OPINION

By Simon Kaheru

The British High Commissioner to Uganda, Lisa Chesney, said many warm, loving and witty things about her outgoing Political Counsellor Joe Dashley at his farewell reception. Among them was how Joe, during his three-year posting in Uganda, had mastered how to pronounce Ugandan names much better than most others at the High Commission. To emphasise this, she herself tried to pronounce the name Kiryabwire (Justice Geoffrey Kirywabwire of the Court of Appeal was in attendance) and did not score more than 55% at it.

Their farewell reception gathered an impressive array of Ugandans — as well as foreign diplomats — and I noted Joe’s easy  of Ugandan names and words as he interacted with us all.

It was clear from all the comments about Joe and his diplomatic (and socialising) work in Uganda during the last three years that his friendly nature was key to his success — even at building such a warm relationship with his boss.

Being able to pronounce Ugandan words and names was part of it.

In his speech, Joe proved the High Commissioner’s point quite at random when he called out my name to declare that I was not to be trusted with chickens as pets because of my collection of BBQ grills and abundant allocation to leisure activities close to them over weekends.

He and his wife Poppy had accumulated a wide range of chickens and guinea fowls as pets here - as well as a goat - and have been “re-homing” them as they planned their departure.

At the reception, Poppy gave me updates on the process, highlighting another reason I cannot be trusted with their chickens and guinea fowls — I have too many canine housemates.

We laughed quite a bit about that, as the Dashleys are a cat family, and then our conversation veered into a discussion about Uganda’s education system.

It started with Poppy using the phrase, “...he’s a good egg.” (Don’t ask who), and then exclaiming at how all those old English phrases were quite commonplace in Uganda.

In our kaboozi I went down my favourite rabbit hole about how colonial education had set our brains for at least three generations in a deliberate manner designed to keep Africa in a specific economic condition.

Imagine this — when I told her we studied about the Canadian prairies in high school she was at a loss. I had to lean in and say it loudly into her ear, even changing my accent to make it easier for her to hear.

It did not make sense to her — yet her father grew up in Canada and she can safely call it home. Canadian prairies did not feature in her education system as a child. But, for Ugandans, it was prominent!

Do not worry, I told her, our education curriculum has changed and is getting better. We are making it more useful, progressive and African.

Not enough about Uganda is African. My buzz from the night’s discourse (and drinks) was interrupted by that irritating Google Maps woman as soon as my Bolt ride set off.

As soon as she pronounced Kyaddondo Road, Kayi-dondo I thought about Joe and his mastery of Ugandan pronunciations.

Over the next few kilometres, the Google Maps Woman kept shouting those wrong pronunciations that have annoyed me for very many years — so much so that I normally turn off the audio option when using that service.

I also worked out, as we went along home, that sometimes, we get lulled by her accent because too many of our roads are actually English names that go under the irritation radar when she is giving directions.

When I asked the Bolt driver how he handled the mispronounced words on a regular basis, he chuckled. At that very point, he had just missed a turn because he had not understood what she had said!

So why is this the person still in our phones, kweli? A person who cannot pronounce Ugandan words properly? Be Serious!

On that note, here is an idea for our Uganda Tourism Board (UTB): How about finding Ugandan replacements for that Google Maps woman? Or people like Joe Dashley, lazima? Get some Ugandans to voice the road names in these apps that give us directions around Uganda, please. You can even use AI to speed up the process, but with Ugandans as the base. In fact, make it a whole project bringing in more than just the pronunciations. Let us make the directions even more engaging than: “Turn left on kai-ntu road.”

Get those Ugandans to throw in some vibe like” “Turn left on Balamaga Drive and look out for Nalongo’s mchomo joint on the left-hand side.” and “In six hundred metres, after the spot where Maama Sarah normally has an avocado stand, turn left onto Okello Rise.”

This can be a whole other app besides the main Google Maps one that every other app seems to rely on — a tourism-based app that makes it fun to go around Uganda.

In fact, UTB could even get people like Joe Dashley to also offer up directions as they take up residence here and immerse themselves so well that they develop the right pronunciations. That way, even when they move on to other lands, they will leave behind a nice, warm piece of themselves in tribute to a country they loved so much as their second home!

www.skaheru.com @skaheru